It was a warm summer evening in June. I was a senior in high school, and everyone in our class had been invited to offer a performance piece as our “Senior Farewell Event” for friends and family. I decided that I’d sing Oh Very Young by Cat Stephens. It’s a song that is a bit challenging rhythmically, and I’d had very little time to practice. But, throwing caution to the wind (my typical style), I decided to just GO FOR IT! I’d never gotten much beyond a chorus role in our school’s annual musical, so this was my big chance to prove myself as a singer!
It didn’t go so well. About halfway through the song, I lost my rhythm. My lyrics were out of synch with the piano, and it all started to sound quite terrible. I remember feeling my stomach knot up as sweat began pouring from my skin. I looked out into the sea of faces that I desperately wanted to impress, hoping no one would notice that I was fumbling. I could feel my face begin to flush as I struggled to stave off the tears. But then the flood came, and I could hold them back no longer. My voice started trembling so intensely that I had to stop singing.
I walked off the stage mid-song and ran into the arms of my mom, who was sitting near the front. I cried and cried, feeling deeply embarrassed and ashamed. Clearly, they were right all along-I didn’t have what it takes to be a singer. Memories of my father’s voice echoed through my head. “You don’t have the talent for Broadway, so you should just forget it.”
And so I decided, on that day, to give up music. I didn’t sing another note for many, many years. I focused on academics in college and allowed my love of singing to fade away into the background.
So I am now sometimes stunned to find myself about to release my debut album, Sacred Alchemy, on September 7th. To be honest, part of me is terrified. I am scared to mess-up my vocals at my CD-Release party, nervous that my live shows won’t measure up to my album, and worried that folks just won’t like my music at all.
Yet while I still feel this fear, I’ve learned to not let it govern my life. I treat it as a signpost that lets me know when I am hitting up against my growth edges. I breathe, and I do my best to lean into it (which is NOT always easy to do!)
You see, I’ve always had a dream of making a music CD in my lifetime. I sense it’s an important vehicle to help re-awaken the sacred feminine in our culture and our hearts. For me, the experience of chanting sacred mantras and writing new songs to the Goddess has been a very important part of my spiritual practice. When I sing these sacred words, I often find myself in a space that exists outside of time. I feel my heart open and my awareness expands beyond this 3D reality. It’s so deeply nourishing. And I feel I’m meant to share this vehicle of sacred music with others-beyond what my personal ego thinks or wants. And so I am going for it yet again, despite what my rational mind is telling me (it often tells me to forget about the whole thing).
As you read my story, I wonder what is in the way of pursuing your own big dream? So often with our clients in the Soulful Women programs, it’s fear that stops them. But it’s time to consider the COST of letting fear run your life. If you are anything like me, the cost is great. It means sacrificing our hopes and our vision of a grand possibility for our lives. It means burying the unique gift I can offer the world in favor of playing safe or looking good. It means letting a little piece of my soul die each day that I don’t step towards my destiny.
So I am here to invite you into a different possibility. I am here to let you know that this can be the season that you RISE UP above your own fear to let a bigger destiny move through you. And I am here to remind you that NOW IS THE TIME. Your longing is your soul whispering its plans for you.
All you need to do is listen to that longing, and take a bite-sized next step towards your dream. Like me, you can do it on a wing and a prayer, without looking back. And open to receive greater than imagined rewards.
